Your Soul Cry

Hey everyone, how are you all doing? As usual go ahead and answer that question out loud, I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked so I really want to know. I know the weather is beginning to change so emotions can be everywhere, the world around us is changing as we know it. The hot summer nights have turn into cool orange sunsets, and the same way that seasons changes we change as well. With each new day that we stride into we are faced with different obstacles that will cause us to have to make a decision. If you didn’t know after each decision you make you have changed and become a new person. These maybe small steps you don’t notice but know for sure that you are changing and molding into the person you’ve been wanting to be.

I know that you all are probably wondering about the title, “Soul Cry.” Well this past week made me realize a few things about myself. You could call it self-reflection of one’s soul. I’ll start from the beginning, so as you all know I recently did a photo shoot with my close friends for my clothing brand Skye-Rose Designs. This was actually my first shoot that I was going to do, for Skye-Rose Designs so everyone was excited. Then the morning of the shoot as we are all preparing; Trisha was getting her make-up done by Pauly, I was ironing the outfit, and we had all worked on Trisha’s hair until 3:00 am the night before. The next thing we know Trisha gets a message saying the photographer couldn’t come to the shoot. We were all very upset, but we said that we were still going to have the shoot anyway. So, that day I became the photographer and took the photos on my phone, but the thing is my phone had started acting weird at the same time.

I had to delete over 800 photos off of my phone that morning before we started the shoot otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to take any pictures. Oh yeah, we shot the photos on my iPhone 11. Two days before moment I had full control of my phone but since that day my phone has gone completely bonkers. It has deleted all of my pictures off my phone except the last two days. Then it as it continued to turn on and off my apps were no longer working. I could no longer redownload them, so in the end I had to delete them off my phone. I was in the middle of a crisis; you may think I am exaggerating but without my phone I cannot work. At that moment I didn’t make a backup plan for if my phone every started to act strange.

That reason being, I only got the phone in the end of November 2020, it is also in great condition, no scratches or cracks. My phone started to act weird when I updated my phone to the most recent software update, after that it said I was running out of storage. Since then my phone has not been working. It’s been almost two weeks since this started happening and I can say that I have been on another level of stressed. My mind so anxious on how I could figure out the issue, calling Apple to see if they can do something then calling Verizon to see if they can do something. Each side continuously telling me that I just need to upgrade and get a phone with larger storage. So frustrated because they must think that buying a new phone is something that most people do easily. On one hand I want to try to take this further to figure out the true cause to my phone acting weird because it didn’t start until I downloaded the latest iPhone update.

So, for the past two weeks my mental health has been deteriorating, my anxiety, depression, and anger have been uncontrollable. The stress that I have been feeling from not being able to create has bought a hurt to my soul that I thought I would never know. If you all didn’t know, ever since I was young, I have been creative. Whether it was writing poetry, writing short stories, drawing, painting, or making art. Creating has always been my way of escape from reality and without that escape I don’t know how to release all the feelings and thoughts that are going through my head 25/8. On top of that I am the owner of multiple brands, and to not be able to give my brands the same care and affection that I have been able to hurts my heart.

To have all the work that you have been putting your heart, blood, sweat, and tears into be erased from your phone randomly. It’s the same as someone randomly destroying the item or piece of work that you spent days, money, time, and blood into. It’s the same as a parent trying to figure out where their child may have run off to if they cannot find them. The pain of the loss of something of high importance to you will always leave a scar. It wasn’t just the loss for me though it was the loss, and that I found myself stuck in between four walls with no-where to run to or to ask for help.

The way I couldn’t control how hard I fell because I couldn’t keep my mental under control, I fell into a dark pit. It was so suffocating, there was nothing that I could do, the air around me seemed like it was hard to breath. I felt the tears of my soul start to pour but when I touched my face my eyes were dry. I felt the pain in my soul become so overwhelming all it made me do was wallow in the pain even more. Continuously stuck in the dark, with oxygen becoming limited each day that went by there was nothing I could do when I lost my voice and my body became weak.

These two weeks that I have been living without creating has made a void in my chest that I never want to feel empty again. To have no way to express the pain and thoughts in my brain will drive me crazy. To have something that worked perfectly taken away so suddenly there was a shock that I am still not over. Then more to the point that I know that this has happened before with Apple where they have started making the older iPhones malfunction to make the consumers have to purchase the newest. The fact that this actually happened to me, I am still in shock.

On the other hand, this situation has forced me into a taking a step in my life that I have been putting off for a very long time, so with that one step backwards I was able to take a long stride forward. Then more to the point that when I move out the country I will have to turn away from iPhone, and towards Samsung. So, the process of the move, and growth needed for my brands is now here. There is no way to turn back a soul cry, because once the earth heard my cries it already had the new path ready for me to walk. So, I will take this stride onto my new path, towards the life that I have always wanted. From the deepest depths within me I can tell you that this won’t be the end of me, but the end of a chapter. Are you ready for the next one?