The race isn't over just yet?
Hey family, how are you doing? I want to first say welcome to all our new readers, and hope that you enjoy every thing that you read. Now back to our regular routine, as usual go right ahead and release all the wins and losses that you have experienced this week. So, that our new readers don't feel weird, I'll start first. So, this week I finally got a resolution to the issue with me receiving my degree certificate. It wasn't the conclusion that I wanted, but either way I now know how I should be moving from this point on. I may not be able to hear everything that you are saying, but trust me the world thanks you for all your hard work.
Today, I wanted to talk with you all about persevering through the obstacles that you may face in life. Regardless if these hiccups have to deal with your physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. Just between me and you guys, lately I have been physically, mentally, and emotionally tiered. Even though I have been worn down by my mental, physical, and emotional state, I have been spiritually strong. I believe that is why I have still been able to continue moving forward. You may be wondering in your head about what religion that I am a part of, well I am about to say something that may not sit well with many people but regardless its my truth. I do not cling to any one religion in the sense of being a Christian, Muslim, Jewish, etc. I just learned of a word that puts everything into simple terms, and it is called an Omniest. Which is a person who does not claim any one religion, practice, or belief, but finds truth within them all. I am a very spiritually connected person, now we are not here to talk about that, so let's continue to our real reason for coming together on this Friday.
As you all may or may not know, I have been going through a lot lately. I actually struggled with telling you all these things, but there is one thing that I realized. I am not ashamed of the situation that I am in, if anything I have been battling my fear of continuously opening myself up to the world. Then I realized that I would never be able to finish writing my book if I didn't. Then it dawned on me that, that was one of the main reasons why I started going to therapy to be able to bring out those emotions and scars that still scare me.
At the end of last month, around the time I was preparing to release my newest collection for my clothing brand to celebrate our first year of becoming an official limited liability company I was kicked out of the place I was living. To answer all pondering thoughts, yes I was living in my family's home, and no it wasn't my mother who kicked me out. I know there are going to be some people who aren't going to like the statement I just made for more than one reason, but I would believe that reason to be that I did not tell them and almost a whole month has gone by. If you all think that's the worse thing that happened then you are sadly mistaken. If we want to be honest yes I was mad about being kicked out, but a part of me felt free from the toxic abuse that I endured while there. So, from that point I started to plan what was next for me.
After a couple days I had found a place to stay for a while, and started to pick back up the pieces of me that started to crack. As I was getting myself back to normal, I was still trying to get in contact with my old university to see why I still hadn't received my degree certificate almost two years after I walked across the stage and went to study abroad in Barcelona, Spain. A week later I received an email that stated I never graduate and extra courses to take. Now, that is a pain that I do not wish on anyone, to have someone literally shatter all the hard work that you put in for almost 5 years. I was livid, and all the hard work that I put in to glue those pieces back just was shattered. From that point all I could do was fight to figure out the root of the issue because there were so many miscommunications. That's is exactly what I did, I transferred all my anger and pain from all the obstacles that have seem to build a wall around me into fighting to find out the truth behind why the school was saying that I did not graduate. As I stated earlier in this blog, that the situation is now relieved. I now have to complete one more course within the next couple weeks. I can now say after having a meeting the heads of the school, that they have worked hard to try to find the best possible solution for me. It's sad that it had to come to this, but what can you do except for pick yourself up and move accordingly.
Now, before I even received the verdict on the situation with my degree certificate, something else big happened. Now to most people this situation would break them. I lost someone in my life I never imagined I would lose. No there wasn't a death in my family, but the death of a friendship did happen. I lost my best friend who had been in my life for almost 10 years. You all are probably wondering what happened to ruin a relationship that was built over that long period of time. Now if you ask me, the situation wasn't that deep, but I can say that at one point during the incident I was triggered and could no longer see you as a friend but a stranger in the street. At that point I began to see all red, at this time I didn't start going to therapy. After that incident I decided that it was time that I really go. I no longer wanted to be angry all the time.
Now you all may be thinking that this incident hurt me, which it did but I can say that I am not as hurt as I thought I would be. There came a point in our relationship I had to start changing myself, the way I acted, and the way I talked. I no longer felt I could be my complete self anymore. Then when I started reading this new book called "The way of the bull" by Leo F. Buscaglia and he said something that made everything click for me. "Man must learn to let go as easily as he grasp or he will find his hands full and mind empty." I started to continuously find my hands full trying to change myself to ease her, but then I was left feeling empty.
Now, you may be asking yourself how am I still able to stay motivated to keep moving forward. Well to put it simple I know that the race isn't over yet. All of these obstacles that have built up in front of me, won't be the end of me. I have been through harder times and each time I have overcome them, so I won't let this hold me down any longer. Yes, I still have my days where I feel like being positive is a chore and that I am sick of being so positive all the time. Then I realized that there is a lot that I want to prove to myself; there is a mission that I have that isn't yet complete yet. It does help that I have been able to find support, comfort, and motivation within all the pain and chaos that I have been experiencing. It all has been finally transformed into the fuel that I need to create. It also helps that I have taken strides to better myself, like going to therapy to help heal the scars that are still filled with fear and not love. I am thankful that I am able to start my week off talking to my therapist. It starts the momentum for my entire week. It brings me even more joy that I am able to create and unload my week with you all.
I hope that through my experiences that you no longer feel alone when you are in pain when obstacles and chaos are overwhelming your life. I know that you can make it through it because I am making it through it all. Turn all that pain into the motivation and fuel you need to stride through and tear tear down all those obstacles. It's also to take a day to get yourself together, it's alright to feel the pain from the events, but don't let the pain from your emotions overwhelm you. Feel them, and then release them, after it is now released start to pick the pieces back up. Put them in your gas tank and continue to stride towards the future and person that you want to be.
I just want to say thank you guys for coming and hanging out with me this week. I apologize that I left you for this long, it was never intended. I actually started writing a blog entry last week, but i still could change my pain into fuel. I needed more time to heal my mental state. Today, I am feeling better than I have in a long time. I hope you all know that the pain doesn't last forever. Better days are coming, so don't give up! Keep striding forward, I believe in you so keep believing in yourself.
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