Where are we now…

I’m back! Oh, how I have missed you all. It’s been such a long time since the last time I talked to you all. First, let me give all my readers a big welcome back, and to anyone new here. Hello! I know it’s been a while but let’s hop right into our routine. How was your week? I want you to answer these questions, remind yourself of all the things that you were able to do. Whether big or small, whether you find a project, or give your body well-needed rest. Pat yourself on the back for all the amazing things that you were able to overcome this week. I know that you may have had a couple of bad moments, hell I had them too. I just want you to remember that despite those bad you made to another day.

I know you all may be wondering where I have been these past few weeks, and to answer that question simply. Everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I went back to how life was when I first got kicked out, unfortunately. If, I think about everything that has happened to this point. It was honestly something that needed to happen to shake me. Bouncing from house to house, taking on responsibilities, and a role in life I wasn’t meant to take made me feel complacent. It began to make me feel lazy and like I was moving in slow motion. Ultimately, I began to move backward. I allowed myself to wallow in my self-pity by putting others' needs in front of mine.

It is sad to say when I love, I love hard to the point I may sometimes put another in front of me. That is something that I can say is my very own red flag against myself. Recently I read a post on Instagram that said, “give yourself the love that you are continuously giving to others.” The emotion I felt after reading that was not one of much joy but rather irritation because, at that moment, I found myself guilty of this very act. I sometimes give so much that I will forget to give myself the same grace that I will pour onto others.

There is a phrase that I have been hearing all my life, which is that I put too much pressure on myself to always get things done perfectly. Unfortunately, with that comes me being harsh on myself when I am not able to complete certain tasks and ventures that I set out on. I don’t see an issue with expecting the best of yourself and working towards that. On the other hand, you should be able to give yourself grace even on the days you don’t feel your best and that is something I am currently learning.

Throughout this entire time that I have been kicked out, I have experienced many obstacles and difficulties to the point I hesitated if I would be able to make it through. No matter what has happened I have been learning every step of the way. I have realized a lot of things the hard way due to unfortunate situations. Regardless of this day, I have learned to give myself grace. I have learned to not just look at the bad that is surrounding me but also the little rays of light that shine through the cracks. Rebuilding from the ground is never easy, but you know each time it crashes you get to rebuild yourself most beautifully.

“She’s an alchemist, she creates magic from her pain.”